Friday, September 5, 2008

A Few Words on the Republican Convention

Subdued - the commenters used this word over and over again, even the ones on Fox News, although they were quick to ask the people who looked bored how they felt, which prompted them to act more excited. During the major speeches, the applause was so sudden and short, I kept expecting to see a "Clap Now Damnit!" prompter.

Yawn - Right in the middle of telling us how excited and energized the crowd was, we get a shot of a guy yawning for at least 10 seconds. Mike Judge would have been proud.

Redneck - From the national anthem (boy I'll bet they wish they had scheduled Jennifer Hudson right about now) to the introduction, to everything in between, this convention screamed "redneck", when it wasn't screaming:

White - It is truly remarkable in the modern era to see a political party that is THAT white. It became like a treasure hunt for us to try to find any face in the crowd that wasn't lily white. One could easily have mistaken this for the a Swedish national convention, were it not for all the people who were:

Old - I would love to know the average age of attendees, it looked like about 60. From the selections of music (how many voters know "Johnny B. Goode" anymore) it might have been even older than that. McCain didn't help matters with his doddering disjointed speech, and strained fake smiles. When we did find young people, we found:

Dorks - The shots of the white boys trying to dance in the crowd brought howls of laughter from my live audience. They looked like the dork former (or maybe current) frat boys they were. Just think Eddie Murphy's white people dancing routine. The only youg guys there that weren't dorks were:

Military - Few respect military service as I do. If anyone in society deserves to live at the public trough for the rest of their lives, it is those who have seen military combat in defense of this country. Easily the most uplifting segment of the convention was the review of John McCain's service, which should have brought a tear to any American eye. He was a hero, everything a soldier should be. But being a military hero does not automatically translate into political greatness (ask Patton), this is not a nation founded to be based on the military*, and we are not supposed to be constantly at war, heavily armed fanatic Muslim vandals notwithstanding. The founding fathers would NOT be pleased at a major political party that is that much about the military. Eisenhower was right.

Green screen - After this directorial fiasco, one would think McCain's people would have made sure to have an appropriate background. Say what you will about Greek columns, they are better than this. I guess the new Republican philosophy of hiring based on ideology rather than talent applies to production crew as well as the Vice Presidency.

USA!! USA!! - These were easily the creepiest moments I can recall from any political convention. This is contest between Americans, so just who are they shouting at, the Canadians next door? They were, after all, right up there by Canada in Minnesota. Do they somehow think the Democrats are NOT pro-USA? If that isn't approaching the status of a cult, I don't know what would persuade you. The Repblican party has left the real world.

Embarrassed - This is the word that kept coming to my mouth. From the countless goobers in the crowd, to the contentless speeches, to the fact that the Republicans are hiding Palin from the media, "embarrassed" is the only word I could think of, and it was not with amusement or pride that I thought it.


*The common use of "commander in chief" in referring to the president is a fairly recent addition to our political vocabulary.

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