Some things are almost too stupid to believe. But there it is. At the urging of one Leonso Canales Jr., the Kleberg County commissioners have designated "heaven-o" as the county's official greeting, because "hello" contains the word "hell."
I'm not making this up
"When you go to school and church, they tell you 'hell' is negative and 'heaven' is positive,'" said the 56-year-old Canales, who owns the Kingsville Flea Market. "I think it's time that we set a new precedent, to tell our kids that we are positive adults."
Yeah, positively brick stupid. At least the article found an intelligent Texan to opine on the issue:
David Sabrio, a professor of English at Texas A&M University-Kingsville, noted that the Oxford English Dictionary says "hello" stems from an old German greeting for hailing a boat.
"Linguistically and historically, the word 'hello' has no connection at all with what we associate with the underworld," he said. "People may make that connection in their own mind. I certainly don't."
One wonders what they are going to do about helicopters, and helpers. And Hell, why stop with Hell? What about all the other dirty words that fall within other nondirty words. I have the urge to saunter on down to Kleberg country, order me some cocktails and kumquats, then sit down for a good rerun of that old James Bond classic "Octopussy", or a golf match featuring Dick Trickle and announced by Dick Shaft.
And while we're having fun here, let's not overlook the fact that this move by the county commissioners is blatantly unconstitutional. Why don't they just answer the phone "Praise JAYzus!" and lay all their cards on the table.