Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Headlines and stories you'll never see

Discovery Institute announces groundbreaking findings in archaeological analysis! Intelligent Design detection methods were employed on archaeological artifacts in both controlled tests and field trials, producing remarkably accurate findings. "Their research has given us an exciting and unique new tool to use" the lead archaeologist on the project said.

Psychic wins 10th lottery! "It's easy to pick when you know the winning numbers already" she said after claiming her $12 million prize. "I just feel like I'm so blessed with this gift, it comes with a duty to help others." She said the charity recipient of her award this time is involved in cancer research, and she plans on donating the prize for her next win to a veterans hospital.

Golfer Banned from PGA Tour for using telekinesis! "I don't know how to stop it" Bob Johnson said. "I just hit the ball, and steer it into the hole. And when my opposition hits the ball, I can't help but make it miss." Johnson's ability is apparently limited by distance, but after 26 straight one-puts while the remaining members of his foursome have failed to manage even one, the PGA said it had had enough.

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